Last night was rough, I still feel like an open wound so of corse everything is coming up and spilling out. I have no where to put it and no one to say it to. so it’s going here
last night hurt she wanted to talk and wanted me to say things she hoped for. years of memories hit me when I walked in. Gromit was sick or hurt, there was a candle lit dinner it was sweet. But there were all the questions. I almost broke down waking in there. that’s the point of tonight it was to make me remember but all I remember is being here with out you. We don’t have what each other wants. Staying wouldn’t be fair to you.
Failing school was not suppose to be an option. I left myself no time to do the work.
Everyone warned me about you. You did not prove a single one of them right. You just proved me wrong. I didn’t understand how you did and said such awful things and why you took over MY trip & kept changing dates & wouldnt listen when i said i had classes, didnt need a hotel, couldnt afford one, but i needed the ride it it had gotten to late for any other way. I should have just canceled it. I became collateral damage. The way I work is that I deal with the immediate issue first then work the rest out. What is a problem and what is an inconvenience? I do things for other people because it feels good. You needed your project. You needed to focus on something else. It helped you. Thats why I helped. But you broke me and didn’t even try to fix things just said done. It feels like, it feels like you used me to feel better about yourself and when you used me up instead of putting anything back in you tossed me away. No saying thats what you did but thats what it felt like.
There are little things that remind me of you. Through out the day, everyday. These little things feel so big.
I feel like I failed you. I don’t hate the family I’m just trying to make everything work. Stop saying it’s my fault. All I want is the benefit of the doubt.
I have nothing left for people. Just feel spent. I’m lonely and tired.