I know it's not real, just no where else to put it

So there are people who don’t understand the reason for or how to have fun at a convention. 

Please reblog and support, AND, most importantly. Don’t be a dick.

http://www.16bitsirens.com/consent/

http://meagan-marie.tumblr.com/post/46396481491/what-would-you-do-if-you-werent-afraid

-A

Everything hurts today. Body and soul. Everything was going so well, then, out of nowhere found a new fear. Of trying. I expected some depression, but I prepared for it. I expected feeling lost or alone. I knew how to get out of it. Don’t know how to step forward with a broken heart. That’s really the best way to describe it. Something in my chest hurts and prevents me from being successful. Loneliness is part of it. Don’t have enough good, clean, positive people in my life. My phone doesn’t ring and it gets sad always reaching out to never find anyone. People inspire me. Ground me. Let me see the world in ways I’ve lost or can’t anymore. Some try to define me, work out what or who I am. They get it wrong, always wrong. Then they leave because I don’t fit what they thought I was. They’re upset or annoyed that I did’t fit some other mold and I’m the one that loses. Or do I? I’m left alone, it feels like losing. All little strands but no real connections. Do I run? Do I stay? Where ever I go, there I am. I understand it’s not all me but have to accept that I maybe part of the problem. If no one gets me where do I go? Never ask questions you may not want the answers to. There have been times I’ve gone through my day or week where I haven’t said a word to anyone just to see if anyone would notice a loss.

I try to be a good person but get taken advantage of a lot. Used as a bandaid to fix other people then thrown away. Tired and warn out.

so tired of taking care everything and everyone else only to be left felling exhausted or used. Then ditched. Tired of feeling alone. Broke. Worried. I’m scared too. The difference is I choose when to let it get to me. Now’s not the right time. Tired of not being seen. Tired of finding people false. Of working so hard only to not have much to show for it. So,… what am I going to do about it. ‘;)

Time to get up and face the fact that I failed the semester and possible out of school.

Ouch.

The semester is coming to an end and it didn’t work. I’m angry and frustrated. The past three months have fucked me emotionally. I need somebody. Anyone I had are busy focusing on themselves or were never really there for me…

Last night was rough, I still feel like an open wound so of corse everything is coming up and spilling out. I have no where to put it and no one to say it to. so it’s going here

last night hurt she wanted to talk and wanted me to say things she hoped for. years of memories hit me when I walked in. Gromit was sick or hurt, there was a candle lit dinner it was sweet. But there were all the questions. I almost broke down waking in there. that’s the point of tonight it was to make me remember but all I remember is being here with out you. We don’t have what each other wants. Staying wouldn’t be fair to you.

Failing school was not suppose to be an option. I left myself no time to do the work.

Everyone warned me about you. You did not prove a single one of them right. You just proved me wrong. I didn’t understand how you did and said such awful things and why you took over MY trip & kept changing dates & wouldnt listen when i said i had classes, didnt need a hotel, couldnt afford one, but i needed the ride it it had gotten to late for any other way. I should have just canceled it. I became collateral damage. The way I work is that I deal with the immediate issue first then work the rest out. What is a problem and what is an inconvenience? I do things for other people because it feels good. You needed your project. You needed to focus on something else. It helped you. Thats why I helped. But you broke me and didn’t even try to fix things just said done. It feels like, it feels like you used me to feel better about yourself and when you used me up instead of putting anything back in you tossed me away. No saying thats what you did but thats what it felt like.

There are little things that remind me of you. Through out the day, everyday. These little things feel so big.

I feel like I failed you. I don’t hate the family I’m just trying to make everything work. Stop saying it’s my fault. All I want is the benefit of the doubt.

I have nothing left for people. Just feel spent. I’m lonely and tired.

I trusted you and this was how you repaid me

Tired of going through everything alone, disconnected. So
many people yet no one there.