I know it's not real, just no where else to put it

Cosplay ≠ Consent

aarkos — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 12:09:54 -0400

So there are people who don’t understand the reason for or how to have fun at a convention.

Please reblog and support, AND, most importantly. Don’t be a dick.

http://www.16bitsirens.com/consent/

http://meagan-marie.tumblr.com/post/46396481491/what-would-you-do-if-you-werent-afraid

-A

Everything hurts today. Body and soul. Everything was going so well, then, out of nowhere found a...

aarkos — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 13:49:43 -0500

Everything hurts today. Body and soul. Everything was going so well, then, out of nowhere found a new fear. Of trying. I expected some depression, but I prepared for it. I expected feeling lost or alone. I knew how to get out of it. Don’t know how to step forward with a broken heart. That’s really the best way to describe it. Something in my chest hurts and prevents me from being successful. Loneliness is part of it. Don’t have enough good, clean, positive people in my life. My phone doesn’t ring and it gets sad always reaching out to never find anyone. People inspire me. Ground me. Let me see the world in ways I’ve lost or can’t anymore. Some try to define me, work out what or who I am. They get it wrong, always wrong. Then they leave because I don’t fit what they thought I was. They’re upset or annoyed that I did’t fit some other mold and I’m the one that loses. Or do I? I’m left alone, it feels like losing. All little strands but no real connections. Do I run? Do I stay? Where ever I go, there I am. I understand it’s not all me but have to accept that I maybe part of the problem. If no one gets me where do I go? Never ask questions you may not want the answers to. There have been times I’ve gone through my day or week where I haven’t said a word to anyone just to see if anyone would notice a loss.

I try to be a good person but get taken advantage of a lot. Used as a bandaid to fix other people then thrown away. Tired and warn out.

Tired...

aarkos — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 11:20:01 -0500

so tired of taking care everything and everyone else only to be left felling exhausted or used. Then ditched. Tired of feeling alone. Broke. Worried. I’m scared too. The difference is I choose when to let it get to me. Now’s not the right time. Tired of not being seen. Tired of finding people false. Of working so hard only to not have much to show for it. So,… what am I going to do about it. ‘;)

Time to get up and face the fact that I failed the semester and possible out of school.

aarkos — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 07:57:11 -0500

Time to get up and face the fact that I failed the semester and possible out of school.

Ouch.

aarkos — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 07:21:07 -0500

Ouch.

The semester is coming to an end and it didn’t work. I’m angry and frustrated. The past three months...

aarkos — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 07:04:40 -0500

The semester is coming to an end and it didn’t work. I’m angry and frustrated. The past three months have fucked me emotionally. I need somebody. Anyone I had are busy focusing on themselves or were never really there for me…

Last night was rough, I still feel like an open wound so of corse everything is coming up and...

aarkos — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 06:50:35 -0500

Last night was rough, I still feel like an open wound so of corse everything is coming up and spilling out. I have no where to put it and no one to say it to. so it’s going here

last night hurt she wanted to talk and wanted me to say things she hoped for. years of memories hit me when I walked in. Gromit was sick or hurt, there was a candle lit dinner it was sweet. But there were all the questions. I almost broke down waking in there. that’s the point of tonight it was to make me remember but all I remember is being here with out you. We don’t have what each other wants. Staying wouldn’t be fair to you.

Failing school was not suppose to be an option. I left myself no time to do the work.

Everyone warned me about you. You did not prove a single one of them right. You just proved me wrong. I didn’t understand how you did and said such awful things and why you took over MY trip & kept changing dates & wouldnt listen when i said i had classes, didnt need a hotel, couldnt afford one, but i needed the ride it it had gotten to late for any other way. I should have just canceled it. I became collateral damage. The way I work is that I deal with the immediate issue first then work the rest out. What is a problem and what is an inconvenience? I do things for other people because it feels good. You needed your project. You needed to focus on something else. It helped you. Thats why I helped. But you broke me and didn’t even try to fix things just said done. It feels like, it feels like you used me to feel better about yourself and when you used me up instead of putting anything back in you tossed me away. No saying thats what you did but thats what it felt like.

There are little things that remind me of you. Through out the day, everyday. These little things feel so big.

I feel like I failed you. I don’t hate the family I’m just trying to make everything work. Stop saying it’s my fault. All I want is the benefit of the doubt.

I have nothing left for people. Just feel spent. I’m lonely and tired.

I trusted you and this was how you repaid me

aarkos — Sun, 25 Nov 2012 22:43:39 -0500

I trusted you and this was how you repaid me

TWO SIDES SAME COIN: Fantastic. I’m failing school, not used to working this hard and still...

aarkos — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 09:11:59 -0500

TWO SIDES SAME COIN: Fantastic. I’m failing school, not used to working this hard and still...:

2s1c:

Fantastic.

I’m failing school, not used to working this hard and still coming up short. I try to tell myself that I still succeeded looking at all I took on this semester. End of a relationship, finding anew place to live, two jobs that both require after hours effort, family, brother, friends,…

Tired of going through everything alone, disconnected. So many people yet no one there.

aarkos — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 16:41:10 -0500

Tired of going through everything alone, disconnected. So
many people yet no one there.

Sometimes I still can’t believe you did what you did. Sometimes I still can’t believe...

aarkos — Sun, 18 Nov 2012 00:03:00 -0500

Sometimes I still can’t believe you did what you did. Sometimes I still can’t believe you could chose to be selfish and mean and ok with it. Sometimes I don’t understand why I still try. Something tells me to fight for you. Just enough. I’m glad I do.

I can’t do this I can’t be here I can’t breath right now you can’t be kind...

aarkos — Sun, 11 Nov 2012 20:18:10 -0500

I can’t do this I can’t be here I can’t breath right now you can’t be kind this house hurts but that’s the point of tonight to make me remember but all I remember is being here with out you you can’t be kind now don’t ask me your questions tonight I can’t do it I’ll lie and tell you what you want to hear like I used to I can’t be here

Lonely, tired, sad, depressed, need, rejected, dismissed, broke

aarkos — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 18:56:49 -0500

Lonely, tired, sad, depressed, need, rejected, dismissed, broke

All I want to know is why did you chose me? If you had him, why did you chose to treat me like this?...

aarkos — Sun, 04 Nov 2012 08:20:00 -0500

All I want to know is why did you chose me? If you had him, why did you chose to treat me like this? I wasn’t worth the same thing? When were you going to say anything? Just going to string me along until what? You talked about my bad decisions you can’t stop making them. You don’t think about other people just yourself.

The one thing you knew I hated was to be the person used just until someone feels better about themselves. So what did you do?

You treated me like I was a stupid fool. Never thought much about me did you. I was no more useful to you than a tissue. You finished with me and felt better, No wonder why it was so easy or you to throw me away.

I really have to stop rereading old texts and post. Just hanging on to remnants. Cant build from the...

aarkos — Sat, 03 Nov 2012 10:26:15 -0400

I really have to stop rereading old texts and post. Just hanging on to remnants. Cant build from the past.

It has gotten to hard and tiring to put on that show.

aarkos — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 11:33:38 -0400

It has gotten to hard and tiring to put on that show.

i’ve tryed to be a good person, tryied to do the right thing, even for the wrong reasons. I...

aarkos — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 13:51:00 -0400

i’ve tryed to be a good person, tryied to do the right thing, even for the wrong reasons. I gave it and you all wouldnt stop takeing. Ive lost the things I cared about, schol is ready to forgive me because they didnt know and dont understand how Im still moving. you all treeated NICE GUY as a weakness SAFE was never pushover its gone and no more second chances. stop creating drama no one hates you you go out of your way to make it damn hard to love you learn the fucking difference between a reall problem and an inconvenience you all took advantage used me uop and threw me away if i have any importance to you at all you try. my ability is gone

I’ve donE everything I could for everyone else only to be taken advantage of or told to fuck...

aarkos — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 13:20:49 -0400

I’ve donE everything I could for everyone else only to be taken advantage of or told to fuck off when I would still be there but in only spicific ways and it kept costing me more and more. Just take and take and leave me with nothing and for it I failed school the only thing I wanted for me if gone BECAUSE I WA S THERE FOR ALL OF FUCKING YOU AND THEN YOU SHIT ON ME. JUST SPENT THE LAST TWO HOURS BREAKING DOWN IN THE STUDENT SERVICES OFFICE UNTIL I PUKED AND YOU ALL WERE IMPATICENT WITH ME BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T SQUEEZE ANY MORE OUT OF ME OR I HAD TO SET BOUNDRIES BECAUSE YOU COULNT STOP TAKING ADAVANTAGE IT’S EITHER I TAKE IT ORGOODBYE FUCK YOU YOU LOST NOT ME EVERYTHING IS EXPOSED AND CAME OUT AND NO ONE THERE KNEW HOW I DID ALL THIS FOR SO LONG WHY DIDN’T YOU EVER STOP AND LOOK OR LISTSN JUST FUCK ME FOR SAYING NOT NOW NONE OF YOU DESERVE ANY OF WHAT I GAVE YOU NOTHING I WANT OUT YOU WON’T EVEN TRY FIXING ANYTHING OR BEING SORRY AND YOU WILL NEVER EARN ME BACK BECAUSE YOU CAN’T STOP TAKING NOW IM DOWN TO NOTHING FUCK NOTHING

DAMN IT I JUST FAILED TWO CLASSES WICH MEANS I FAILED THE SEMESER AND I HAVE NO WHERE TO GO WITH...

aarkos — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 10:08:11 -0400

DAMN IT I JUST FAILED TWO CLASSES WICH MEANS I FAILED THE SEMESER AND I HAVE NO WHERE TO GO WITH THIS IM BY MYSELF WITH ALL OF THIS FUCJ

I need to turn everything off. Why have so many people gone out of their way to hurt me. Or just...

aarkos — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 02:35:54 -0400

I need to turn everything off.

Why have so many people gone out of their way to hurt me. Or just didn’t care that they did.

Wish I didn’t have to deal with all this myself.

I’m not as safe as everyone thinks. Why did everyone dump there emotional garbage and then leave when they felt better.

What happened? Why am I alone now? I did everything for everyone and have nothing.